Did you know...

That the Park Tavern Team is in fact comprised of 12 Kong sized gorillas with "The Park Tavern" tattooed on their chests (Please see "The Leadership Machine takes the field" at the bottom of the page)? Or were you aware that the Czech Translation of Leadership Machine is Vedení stroje (lest one be confused when the crowd breaks into a rousing chant at games and by the water cooler)?  

As the midseason approaches, we take time to now reflect on last week's game against Al's Bar as the game is a perfect microcosm of the season so far:

It is a little known fact that Catcher Kirk DiFrancesco moonlights as Inspector Gadget.  In a stunning dis-play at the plate, those on the field and in the stands were treated to a rare show when Kirk managed to Go-go-gadget both his arms *and* legs, tagging out the runner from at least 15 yards after a throw home managed to slip all the way to the backstop.  When asked why he did not indulge his unique talents earlier, Kirk replied that he refrained in the name of sportsmanship and fair play.  "Besides," he added "you really need to pick the perfect moment to break the news to your teammates that you happen to be a cyborg".  Life has already changed for Kirk, as he now receives almost unceasing requests to pull cats from trees and dishes from the top shelves.  

Another surprising fact, this one about Shortstop  Ian Jura-Baum, is that Ian really just wants to be a dancer.  After finding no luck with dance partners off the field, he expanded his search to include a teammate and one opponent in the game against Al's - "You know, when you have the rhythm sometimes you just get too much booty in your pants; I just had to try" referring to a botched tango attempt on an infield fly ball in the First and an aborted waltz in the Third with Second Basewoman Jessi Morales, and a later Electric Slide attempt with an undisclosed female member of Al's.  When reached for comment, Jessi answered "It's no secret I like to dance, and the guy has a couple of nice moves, but where I come from you need a better 'in' than a nearby pop-up or grounder."

And with his two inside-the-park-homers last Wednesday, Left Fielder Nate Medbery capped what has been quite the coming of age story.  About his performance, Nate framed his reply in terms of his true love World of Warcraft, a popular Role Playing Game online: "I feel as though I have finally leveled up to where I should be.  You know, when I hit the field at the start of the year, I was decidedly a Level 1.  I couldn't equip my "Catching" mitt, and my "Hit" command was infield at best.  After the last game before this one though I definitely hit level 30, and the time between games really allowed me to max out my HP [hit points] and MP [magic points], as did changing my preferred weapon to "Bat" rather than "Mace" - it's much more effective.

Other headlines from the game...this was the first game that the Leadership Machine played in the 'Away' dugout, resulting in a 27.8% increase in morale...Lominger puts up 3 runs in the top of the first, an incalculable increase over the 0 run first inning output of the past 4 games...recent acquisition Joanne Genosky plays the 3rd Base with a catcher's mitt because "the game is just too easy otherwise...you got something to say?"...with the loss, the Leadership Machine falls to 0-3 against teams named after drinking establishments.

Game 6 - vs Franks & Beans

Due to torrential rainstorms this game was cancelled - so really we won!!

Us - or at least what we would have looked like if we had a fancy ballpark and a fancy dugout, and had had to show up at all...

The game has been rescheduled to take place on August 13th.

Stay tuned!

~Coach Princess~

Goose Eggs and Greatness - June 4, 2008

The litmus test has been passed – don’t let the score fool you. We, my friends, have a true-blue softball team.

Yes, we suffered the shame of a shut-out. We struggled mightily, fought valiantly, and came up a tad short. But we are true Lomites, and as such, are all quite learning agile – indeed we boast LFE certifiers on our team, not just certifieds (although we have those too, in more ways than one…).

For instance, we learned:

If someone has a bit of a history with the ump, they should probably not be played anywhere in the infield, and certainly not at first base. The post-game analysis, held at P.T., one of St. Louis Park’s finest meeting rooms, placed our collective Political Savvy in regards to this particular problem squarely in our lower-third. Oops.

And we learned about the harmfulness of overuse of Competency 10:

The ump displayed the devastating effects of Compassion overuse by invoking the mercy rule mid-inning. Our invaluable learning experience was cut short by this compassionate move, robbing us of infinite learning opportunities.

But mixed in among the opportunities to showcase our learning agility, there were some brilliant displays of athleticism. A perfect slide into second (the only improvement possible is if said runner had been wearing pants - but don't worry, he's tough, and none of the blood stained his socks) was a perfect rallying point mid-game. And a controversial called out at first provided another opportunity for team-building as the entire team came together to voice their displeasure, and banded together in the face of adversity.

And with the recent trade between Lominger and LDS, we have made the invaluable acquisition of Joe Mauer’s twin separated at birth (well, triplet really, but that’s a different story). Joe was a bit selfish in the womb and got all the size and jock-ish genes, but our tiny, sweet and unassuming catcher just so happens to be softball powerhouse, and her marriage to Justin Morneau’s outfield-playing cousin means that once our bats light up, we will be downright unstoppable – as long as most of the plays go to centerfield or pop up behind home.

All in all, it was a gem of a defeat. We stood tall in the field (except when we were in our crouched-and-ready-to-spring-into-action stances), and heart was put into every play. As the next generation watched, eager to cheer us on, we showed them how to lay the groundwork for the finest display of learning agility ever to be seen on a softball field.

Here’s to next week! And maybe the next generation won’t be in attendance, just in case we’re not quite as learning-agile as we thought.

Oh, and for all the post-game analysts for this game….don’t forget, tonight’s the night we see who’s taking the business development trip to Boston!

The score? Oh...well, if you must know.... 14-0.

As seen in the St Louis Park Daily Gazette

St. Louis Park, MN - In a dazzling display of offensive fireworks and outstanding play in the field, the Leadership Machine took another step today towards it's first victory of the season in a game many on the team and in the office have described as "the best so far this year".

"I really feel as though we've made a lot of progress and that sticking to the game plan is a tree that is starting to bear fruit" said team manager Jessi Morales, referring to the two pronged strategy of giving up double digit first inning runs and putting at least one team player on Injured Reserve every other game.

Injured First Baseman Chris Wolcott concurs:  "You know, it was really hard to break my hand in an off the field incident like I did, but as a psychology based company one of our strengths involves getting inside the other team's  minds, and decimating the lineup with injury is just the first step toward that end."

"There were some pre-game concerns that we might not be able to stay the course" said Left Fielder Nate Medbery "considering the similar records and playing styles of the teams involved".  Luckily for the Leadership Machine, come game time there was no such issue.

The top of the first was magic as always, with the Leadership Machine letting their Wells Fargo adversaries tour the bases to the tune of double digit runs.  Things were quiet until the top of the  3rd, when Shortstop Ian Jura-Baum and Second Basewoman Tiffany Winter connected for what led to a concussion and ultimately Tiffany's addition to the disabled list.  Ian explained:  "As far as our first inning exploits, it's really hard to pretend to make as many errors as we seem to, but since we are looking to win the sportsmanship award as well, we can't let on our true intentions.  To help stay the course, I remind everyone how much great sun we get while the rays are still good - the opportunity to get some color just isn't there in later innings.  As far as Tiff...what can I say? I'm really proud of her.  To take one for the team like that, it's inspiring really."

When reached for comment, Tiffany quipped about "an onion for every cloud" and wandered into what turned out to be an empty equipment shed.

Whatever the angle, the fourth game for this St Louis Park team was its most successful outing yet.  Spectator and Legal Eagle Rosa Linke summed it up best:  "This is a team of no small destiny.  The fielding, the hitting, it is all there, as is that 'je ne sais quois' that really defines greatness.  I mean, double digit runs this game?  Heck, they even batted around!  Once this team gets its first taste of victory; whoo, Stay out of their way!  If they continue the path that they are on, I wouldn't be surprised if these guys put up 30 runs on the last game of the season with the 4 players that will be left  [off the disabled list]"

Whatever journey this little team from 5051 Highway 7 chooses to take, there is no doubt that it will be a roller coaster well worth the ride.  Stay tuned.

 

Game #3

Notable quotes:

(from our first baseman) "I'm here, ready to play…except I forgot my mitt and cleats…"

(speaking to the other team's first baseman) "Hey, at least I made it to first this time…I'm so glad you missed that catch"

"I'm getting too old for this " (after over running 2nd and getting clipped in the stomach by the ball…player was safe)

"Note to self, remember to put the first-aid kit in the bag for the next time) (As we see the blood seeping through his sock from a slide home)

The best quotes coming from our sub center fielder:

(speaking to right center) "What do you mean go deep?"

"I don't know how to throw" (as she throws under handed to the cut-off)

(speaking to the other team's pitcher from the batter's box) "are you trying to kill me? I'm not on your team you know"

"I can't be hittin' my face, it's the weekend soon" (as she ignores a hit in the air)

Here are my final thoughts:

It was a respectable loss and the best we've played. While our bats were light, we were able to have plenty of 1,2,3 innings and hold them at the bases…one bad inning thus the score, but overall well done. We're working out the kinks. Very proud of the team.

Here are some numbers even Kate Sterner would be proud of!!!

	Leadership Machine	That Other Team	Loss Margin in points	% of change
Game 1	6	28	(22)
Game 2	4	21	(17)	23%
Game 3	4	11	(7)	59%
Total	14	60	(46)	68%
From Game 2 to Game 3 - Loss margin % decreased 59%
From Game 1 to Game 3 - Overall loss margin % decreased by 68%

- Team Manager

Game #2 vs. Bunny's- The delayed response

Never get in a land war in Asia. Sage advice if ever I heard such. Only slightly less well known is this: In softball, don't hit the ball to an opposing team member. I'm still working on that one.

All right, it has been 2 weeks since our second outing so I'll keep this brief. We played like champs and had fun! Sadly, the other team played like All Stars and we lost by a few runs. Don't ask me for an exact score, I can barely remember my own street address. Although I was not at the first game, cap'n says we definitely improved! Sweet! We WILL win a game this season, so says I. One suggestion, if I might. While cap'n says pumps are the appropriate footwear for softball, I cannot help but wonder if we would not run better in cleats. Just my 2 cents.

Onward and upward!
-Fez

The Leadership Machine takes the field

The Leadership Machine takes the field

Or did it?

The day, April 30^th 2008 marked the Leadership Machine's inaugural softball game in the glamorous city of Minneapolis. Now I know, you are asking yourself why is it glamorous? It’s got cold winters, rainy springs, short-hot-humid-mosquito invaded summers, and crisp autumn mornings with sun shinning off the glistening dew on your morning grass, which in and of itself may or may not be your idea of glamorous. But you betch-ya, this place is as beautiful as your Aunt Olga eating lutefisk at Thanksgiving while throwing back a Pabst Blue Ribbon.

Our team consists of some diehard-loud mouth-smack talking-pre Madonna’s, none of which I could possibly identify with. We strutted our stuff on to the field looking pretty, as Christian Siriano would say- “Fierce.” Our shirts as white the Fruit of the Looms your grandpa wears, our attitude as positive as a 5 year old on his first day of kindergarten. We were going to win our first game and if we didn’t we were going to have one heck of a feedback session for our opponents.

Let’s quick do a run through of our competition. Park Tavern Rounders is the team- ex college jocks was their theme! The women had more testosterone then our whole team combined, the men- well lets just say they were manly men.

We were the home team, oh wait was it a 7pm game? Who starts games on time…scratch that we were now the visiting team so we got to show them our spirits fingers right away and embark on world domination with our skillz. Our domination was short lived…or was it? Our first three batters went down they like a crème puff surrounded by a fat kid in a bakery.

“Love it?”

We take the field. A chant comes over the crowd- Three up…Three down….three up….three down. Apparently this was easier to believe before the bottom of the first inning began. One…two…three…four…twelve runs in. Twelve up…twelve in…long enough for me to take a little disco nap and revive my spirit fingers.

We make it back in for the second inning. By the grace of one generous ump, he let us continue our royal beating. Oh, but friends we are just getting started. Next three batters up and by this time we are some Fierce Tranny messes ready to ZaZa Gabor this team!

A valiant effort was made by all; but the Leadership Machines fell short of chanting “We Are the Champions” by a Career Ambition to Innovation Management loss. (You’ll have to know our competencies to figure out the score).

Written by "George Clooney"